Tiger Woods

Last night on...I have no idea what channel, since I was doing my regular channel surfing thing--let's say it was ESPN--someone (Mark Richt?) was asked "if they could be a famous athlete, who would they be?" This person shocked me by replying that he'd like to be "the fastest person in the world--to win the 100 yard dash in the Olympics." Frankly, he shocked me. I have no idea why anyone would pick being anybody but Tiger Woods.

Yes, if I could be anyone else for the day, especially if the caveat was that it had to be an athlete, it would be Tiger Woods.

And I don't even play golf.

And I only sort of want to learn to play golf. I grew up thinking that golf was boring, but I went to a tournament one time and now I've changed my mind. Yes, I've actually seen Tiger Woods play golf in person...at least one hole. You know how hard it is to follow him? I'm too short to see over most of the crowd, so I ended up going to a hole several holes ahead and waiting for him. Good strategy--beautiful sun-shiny day, very relaxing--until the Tiger crowd came roaring up.

Anyway, back to being Tiger Woods--

I wish I had his phenomenal ability to focus.

I wish I had his ability to never give up, to come from behind.

I wish I had his ability to find, enter, and stay "in the zone."

How long does it take to develop these talents? Actually, how long does it take to get them back? I used to be able to focus and "be in the zone" but I have neglected that ability and it is a muscle that seems to flabby. Or has my brain chemistry altered and now I have "adult-onset ADD" ? I just don't know. But I'm working on it.

More musings

I am in a funk. I've been sick, and I hate the cough and sniffles and mild fever that I've had. I haven't been able to work, I haven't been blogging. Yuck.

I have been attempting to keep up with my e-mail, and when I log on, I check on several blogs. I am amazed that Tanya Michaels can keep up with her blogging while sick as a dog. She's been blogging every day. My goal is only once a week, and I'm not doing that very well.

Does dreaming count as being creative?

Although, come to think of it, I don't really dream much when I am "swd"--sleeping while drugged. Benadryl knocks me out cold.

Musings on Creativity

Really, I know that "musings on creativity" is kind of a silly title for this blog posting, since it is the name of my entire blog, but it is apropos today.

Creativity is not an idea, it's an act.

Don't judge creativity harshly. The act of creativity is sometimes more important than the quality of the product produced. Sometimes the only goal is doing the act.

The worst idea is the one not captured.

When capturing ideas, the simplest tools are the best tools. Thank you pen and paper.

Try new creative endeavors to feed new ideas in the ones you regularly work in.

Writing down, sketching out, recording your ideas, makes reality out of imagination. Imagination is great, but what if the Grimm Brothers had never written their tales down? They might not be remembered now, and the world would be lesser if we didn't have Cinderella, Rapunzel, or Sleeping Beauty.

Why do I get my best ideas in the shower? I've dealt with the "getting ideas in the car" problem by investing in an audio cassette recorder (I like the low tech stuff) but I haven't come up with a paper that won't get wet.

Musings on Religion and Good Thoughts for a Friend

Just a quick note to let you all know that I took a seminar with Barbara Winter, the author of Making a Living Without a Job and it was worth every penny I paid...which you can't say about every seminar. I'll expand on what I learned later.

Right now, I want to make a comment on all those people who say "oh, I'm not religious, I'm spiritual." It's a phrase that makes me crazy. It has no meaning. Do they just commune with some fuzzy warm feeling? Hug actual trees? I don't know. And believe me, I'm no evangelist. Heck, I can't even spell it. (Well, let's face it. I can't spell without spell check anymore, even if it's just the word "a.") But here's the rub. There is very little in the world that is more heartbreaking and terrifying than when you are going through a spiritual upheaval, whether that is because you feel that God isn't answering your prayers or because the very human leaders of your church are failing in their leadership in some way. (As all humans eventually do.) Terrifying, depressing, anxiety-producing.

Will all of you say a prayer for my friend who is going through a spiritual upheaval right now? Just refer to her as "W" as you lift her up. (And no, this isn't a thinly veiled reference to me, but she might not want her business spread all over the internet through my blog. And there ARE other people in the world whose names begin with W.) Even if you aren't a regular church-goer, but are "spiritual" (and now mad at me because of my comment above), please send good thoughts her way. I do believe in Karma...although not necessarily in the Buddhist way--more like the connection all humans have through the Holy Spirit.

Thanks everybody.

Apologies

I try to blog every week, but this week, I've been resistant to doing so. I don't know why, except that all my creative energies have been diverted into finishing replacing my living room floor.

I love to decorate, and feel like I would have been a good professional decorator. My only problem right now with it is that I rent my second bedroom to a friend. He's a friend, so I agreed to allow him to add his some of his stuff to the living and dining room. His exceedingly modern stuff. My other friends can't decide if the chandelier hanging over the dining table looks like a spaceship or something that should hang over a conference table. Really, I keep wondering why those damn aliens invaded my home and not Wired's offices.

And then there's the blue-green chair in the living room. The one that looks, to me, that it was modeled after one of those acrylic commemorative baseball stands. And if I was 3 inches taller, it would be comfortable. But I'm not 3 inches taller. So I never sit there.

Ah well. It's been good to have the extra $$, and when he gets his PhD and a job and moves out, I will miss him. But not his furniture.

Writing exercise

Recently, I have had the priviledge of hearing from old friends that I haven't seen in over 20 years. One of those friends, who has stayed in touch with the others, sent me an e-mail (she found me from this blog) and I've gotten e-mails from the others as responses to messages that she's sent out. These are people that, although I'd lost touch with them, I thought of rather frequently. I was thrilled to hear from Debbie, and I'm thrilled to hear about Mark, Andy, Judge, and Mary Grace.

One of the writing exercises I do sometimes, to work on character development and to stretch my imagination, is to choose friends from my past and to create character studies of what they might now be...based on the little information that I have from rather impersonal e-mails...

Debbie is living in Colorado. She broke her leg last spring. She's a poet.

Mark lives in Illinois.

Judge lives in the capital city of the state he grew up in and works in the arts.

Andy...I really don't know from his e-mail where he lives or what he does now....Creative license!

M.G. lives in Texas.

So, how did these smart and creative people, who started out in a Southern state, get to where they are now? I get to make it up! And I really get to make up what they are doing now, since I don't really know them well anymore.

This is one way to help develop back story for characters you use in your novels, imagining how they get from one place and stage in life to another. And if you start with someone you know, but not too well, you ground those characters in truth and imagination both.

Quick update

I am in awe of my friend Elaine, who has a new job and is able to balance her life in a way that seems to guarantee she writes. I have been asked to critique the first few chapters of her new novel, so that she can begin the submission process by Friday. Good luck to you Elaine.

Studio 60

So, my favorite television show of the fall season is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. I love literate shows, and there seem to be so few of them. I am enjoying the way the characters are being developed (slowly). I enjoy the way that interesting facts are worked into the scripts. Case in point--information about the blacklist and the Hollywood 10, in a script featuring Eli Wallach. (One of my favorite bits of The West Wing was the episode with the mapmakers....) I enjoy the enormous number of characters, and the way the episodes are production designed and shot (go Thomas Schlamme). (By the way, if you like this show, don't read "Television Without Pity" on-line. It hates this show.)

There is a recurring storyline featuring a writer from Vanity Fair (played by Christine Lahti) doing an in-depth artlicle on the show. I loved her line (which I'm paraphrasing a bit, since I don't memorize lines well):

"The article is going to be 10,000 words. Not all of them will be winners."

I thought that was hilarious. I think every writer will. Because, let's face it, Aaron Sorkin is one of the most prolific writers around, and, in my opinion, one of the most brilliant. (Argue if you want, but wouldn't it be fascinating to sit next to him at a dinner party?) And if his words aren't all winners (and he writes autobiographically, to a certain extent), do I need to worry that not all of mine are?

And let's face it: another reason I love this show is that it features two men I drool over--Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford. Yum.

Deb Dixon's Goal, Motivation and Conflict

I love spreading the news about good books--and right now, I'm not talking about Jesus. Although that would be a good topic too, it's really not the topic of my blog. No, today, I want to share with you the book Goal, Motivation and Conflict by Debra Dixon. Deb Dixon is fairly famous in romance writer circles, for both her book and her workshops.

At the very first writing conference I ever attended, her workshop was not only packed, but it was scheduled for two hours, when most were scheduled for one. And two hours wasn't long enough. It's my understanding that she often presents day-long workshops. At this one, it seemed like she really hadn't figured out what to cut out, so she talked really fast. Still, it was a good workshop.

However, the book, Goal, Motivation and Conflict, allows you to slow down and think about your own work while reading it. In fact, if you're me, you put the book down and go fix something in your script. Actually, I haven't fixed it completely--but I've highlighted a problem and plan to fix it in re-writes. But I've been given a little insight into what was stopping me on my young adult novel. I've had the plot in my head for months and months, but I haven't been writing a lot. And I've been dissatisfied with what I've written. The pace is great, the emotions are conveyed, but it is so meandering. Each scene really isn't going any place. I think that with the help of GMC, I can cure that problem and really end up with a novel instead of a lot of unconnected scenes.

I also think that it will help me with my chapter breaks--which is a problem that I only faced recently. I have no idea where my chapters should end, so I seem to be writing a one chapter book. A really really long chapter. But this clearly written tome is helping me with a lot of writing problems.

WritersWeekly

I've been subscribed to WritersWeekly for over 2 years now, and I am really impressed with the website/service. WritersWeekly is an on-line magazine for writers with helpful hints of all kinds, from creativity to marketing. It is run by Angela Hoy and her husband Richard (whose last name I don't know and I'm too lazy to look up), who also run the print on demand publishing company, Booklocker. Don't let that scare you away. They do not use WritersWeekly as a thinly-veiled way to force authors to use their service. (They do, however, "advertise" Booklocker on their site.)

The link above is to an article about a great way to write press releases for your newly published book. It definitely provides a way to keep your press release from being boring. Go read the article now (it's short), and think about subscribing to their weekly e-mail. It's worth it for writers of all kinds.

More Vocal Variety

My writing partner and I will be meeting tomorrow to work on "voice." Specifically, we will be reading our work out loud to each other. Do other writing/critique partners do that? Or do they just forward their work to each other?

I've been thinking lately about work habits and creative links between/among the arts. Please write in and share with me your work habits and thoughts on creativity.

Sing, baby, sing

We've been discussing "voice" in my editing class at KSU, and how it is the editor's responsibility to make sure that the editing stays true to it. But what is voice? It seems to me to be one of those "I know it when I see it" things--like pornography.

There are some books that I just "get." And I think it's because I can really hear their voice. Even if that voice isn't like mine, there is something that gives a cohesive whole to their work. For instance, right now, I'm reading Shakespeare Wars: Clashing Scholars, Public Fiascos and Palace Coups. It's a fun read, even if, when seen in public reading it, you might as well be wearing a sign that says "Literature Geek. Will work for Reads." The author has a really strong voice--definite sentence structure, word choice, the way he quotes people he has interviewed. In fact, although I haven't read the entire book yet, the only complaint I have with the book is the fact that his voice could have used some editorial-reining-in. He loves to write with sentence fragments. And I'm o.k. with that. Really. But sometimes he does it so much that you have no idea what the subject is any more. Where's that antecedent? Really, where?

When I received my first paper back in my editing class, the major comment that my professor wrote was "I would have liked to see more of YOU in the paper," which was really funny, because I'm in a class, in a degree program. When I was writing it I was worried that I was writing it like a feature story, that maybe it should have been more academic. And we all know that you are supposed hide yourself as the author when you are writing academically. All that "research was performed" etc. When I'm forced to write academically, I'm always pushing to just say "I read." "I think."

Oh, for a happy medium.

Time to Celebrate

I realized lately that I use this blog to whine about mental blocks to my creative efforts and I rarely use it to celebrate when I have been able to climb over those mental blocks. So today, I am going to use my blog to celebrate, and also to muse about why I don't do that more often.

Lately, I have had several successes. I have finished several assigned articles for a magazine. I have conducted an interview with the editor-in-chief of an academic journal and written a paper on that information. I feel really good about that paper, too. I've gotten my resume together too, and actually submitted it for a job! (Thanks for the help, Jessica.)

My friend Lou often tells me that I am incredibly self-critical. I know I am. And I think that there is a big connection between that self-criticism and those mental blocks that interfere with my creativity.

Luckily, I have been able lately to feel good about my work/accomplish my work/do more work.

How do I keep the flow coming? That is a trick to figure out.

The 2,996 Project, In honor of Lt. Michael Quilty

So I'm sitting here in a public restaurant and I'm crying.

I am attempting to find the appropriate words to honor Lt. Michael Quilty, a New York City firefighter who died 5 years ago today, on the day that changed the world.

Michael Thomas Quilty was a 20 year and 6 day veteran of the NY City Fire Department. Most of his career had been spent with Engine 282, and Ladder 148 in Brooklyn. He had been promoted to lieutenant in 1999, and served wherever he was needed. He had spent only a year at Ladder 11 when he died at the World Trade Center.

I am sending my prayers to God and my thoughts and best wishes to his family, wife Susan, son Daniel and daughter Kerry.

Since its inception in 1999, the Uniformed Fire Officers Association (UFOA) has awarded fifty-seven (57) scholarships to the children of their fallen brothers. The scholarship award is $4,000 for the first year of school followed by $2,000 for the remaining 3 years of undergraduate study for a total scholarship of $10,000. Daniel Quilty was awarded a scholarship in 2004/2005, and Kerry was just awarded one. I'm so sorry that you were eligible for the scholarship, but I feel sure that your dad would have been proud.

Mike, as he was known, was an avid sportsman. He scuba-dived with his son Daniel and coached his daughter Kerry's soccer team. He was a life-long resident of Staten Island and a member of St. Teresa's Roman Catholic Church, Castleton Corners, Staten Island, New York. You can read more about his life here.

I lack the eloquence to do justice to Lt. Quilty. I hope I honor him with what I've attempted to do here.

Rory Stewart

I tried to post yesterday, but as I the server seemed to go down just as I hit "post" and all those beautiful words went "bye-bye." Oh well. I was probably gushing anyway. I had started with the words "I have a new hero."

I was flipping channels yesterday when I ran across Rory Stewart speaking about his new book on CSpan2/Book TV. The Places in Between is the story of his 600 mile walk across Afghanistan.

I find the fact that he has walked across Afghanistan fascinating enough, but combine that with the fact that he is a British diplomat and has had postings in both Kosovo and Iraq, and more importantly, is one of the most cogent speakers on the Iraqi situation that I have ever heard speak, and I tell you, I think he's one of the most admirable people that I've run across in a long time.

Granted, I've not actually read his book (yet). He may be a crackpot. But he really didn't seem that way when speaking. I admire someone who can operate in diplomatic circles, then shuck his suit and tie and go adventuring.

To me, it seems that he has both intelligence and a creative spirit. And, having written two books, he obviously has good butt-time skills. I admire that too.

(P.S. For those who don't know the "butt-time" reference, I picked it up from Patricia Sprinkle, a Georgia mystery novelist. She says the one most important skill that writers need it the ability to do "butt-time"--the ability to keep your bottom in the chair long enough to get your book written. It's a skill I admire, because it doesn't come easily to me.)

Anxiety conquered!

All right, not conquered. Perhaps it's best if I say I slithered around it. I had two articles assigned, and I was having the hebie-jeebies about completing them, as I do all my work. I finally managed to cope with the anxiety that writing (or any creative activity that I care about) produces and get the articles written and submitted.

In the book The Courage to Write, Ralph Keyes relates the story of the writer who has his butler lock him in his office without any clothes. I sure wish I was rich enough to have a butler to do the same for me.

I've recently attempted to put a stop to using housekeeping as one way of procrastinating about writing. I think it's backfiring though. My house desperately needs cleaning!

From the Sahara to White Water

I am privileged.

I am probably the least wealthy person in my social circle, but I am wealthy beyond measure.

I have enough food to eat, safe drinking water, a roof over my head. I have abundant clothing, a car to drive.

I have the brains and the working body to make sure this continues.

I live in a society, in a country, that encourages me to live the life of my dreams, to work at something I love, and to change any of the parts of my life that I don't like.

I am privileged.

I spent six weeks this summer living in a society where things were different. Even though I was privileged enough to live with a nice, middle class family, I could look around me and realize that some important things were not the same.

I drank bottled water all the time I was in Tunisia, trying to avoid tummy troubles (unsuccessfully, but that's another story). My Tunisian family drinks rainwater. They have a big cistern to capture what little rain falls. And if they run out of rain water, they drink bottled water too. The city's water pipes are full of lead.

Bread is cheap there. I think it is subsidized by the government. Everyone buys a fresh loaf of bread every day. But cars are incredibly expensive, since they all were imported. Gasoline is expensive too. (They call it petrol. Fuel for cars is petrol, gas means natural gas.) The first oil deposits ever found in Tunisia were found earlier this year. They never have had the oil industry that both Algeria and Libya have (they had never discovered oil there before, although they have looked for a long time), so fuel has always been expensive there. In fact, so expensive that people smuggle it in from Libya and sell it around the neighborhood. Even though I complain about fuel costs here, it doesn't eat up the percentage of my income that it would if I were making a Tunisian salary.

And here in the U.S., I am able to go back to school and develop new skills (or work on ones that I already have). I am able to change and adapt as I care to. In Tunisia, they aren't able to do that. The opportunities just aren't there. I met a woman--an electrical engineer--who had been looking for a job for six years. Crazy. And sad.

And then, this past weekend, I went white water rafting. I realized how amazing that I went from spending the weekend in the Sahara Desert to being immersed in gallons upon gallons of water all in one summer. I realized how privileged that makes me.

And, of course, it filled me with all sorts of sensory experiences that I can use in my writing. It sparked so many story ideas. What an amazing weekend.

How privileged am I?

Discipline, still

O.k., so you might be getting tired of the subject of discipline, when this blog is supposed to be about creativity.

But right now, of course, I am sort of stuck on the topic of how discipline affects creativity. Or, in my case, how the lack of discipline is adversely affecting my creative output...it's been nil.

I am wondering, if, instead of trying to adopt new habits one at a time--primarily, turning off the television and setting aside a set time to write--if I should try to make the grand gesture and adopt a new life-style all at one time. Can I cut out television, write the Great American Young Adult Novel, diet and exercise, all at the same time?

In a way, I think it might be easier. Doesn't one bad habit just feed another? Don't I overeat in front of the television? Don't I use television as a distraction, and get so distracted that I don't write? And if I'm watching one more decorating show, I'm not exercising to an exercise tape, am I?

How did I come to this state of television taking over my life? I remember when I was a child, and going to gymnastics practice all the time, I didn't watch the television shows that all my friends were watching. John Travolta on "Welcome Back Kotter?" Saw maybe two episodes in my life. I watched the Fonz on "Happy Days" several times--it came on right as I got home from gymnastics practice. I'd lay on the couch in front of the tv, watch that one show then go to bed.

Now, it's a loud, constant companion.

What are we doing to our children, sitting them in front of the television and computers all day. Will they be able to cope with quiet? Can they converse with friends? What will parents do when they can't take their computer game modules on long plane rides? I know if I've developed this bad habit as an adult, then it is worse for children who have had television as their babysitter all their lives.

Discipline, cont'd

My friend Jess (see comment on July 18 blog post) said that energy and structure are needed for discipline. I concur. But then, what supports energy and structure? Discipline.

It's a catch-22. It's an Escher drawing.

So I 'm trying to take the sting out of this area of my life by saying that discipline is just the development of good habits.

And current popular wisdom says that you can develop a new habit within 21 days.

Oh, the first 21 days will be hard, I understand. But after that, then you have the habit and it's easier to stick with whatever you are trying to do. (I usually read this advice in connection with developing the habit to exercise.)

I am also contemplating the advice to people who are trying to train their dogs: Saying "No" doesn't work. You are supposed to give a dog something else to do, if your dog is doing what you don't want him to do. Say "sit," instead of telling him "no," when he's jumping up on someone, for instance.

So, can we use these 2 pieces of advice to become more disciplined?

If, instead of telling myself "no, I shouldn't be doing this" when I turn on the television, can I substitue calling a friend up, or cooking an elaborate meal, or -egads!- perhaps, WRITING?

Or instead of eating bags of chips mindlessly, can I substitute a stretching routine?

And can I try this for the next 21 days?

Are you undisciplined? Have you figured out what's stopping you? And do you have any hints or techniques for overcoming being undisciplined? Please share.

Discipline

I've been thinking lately about discipline and how it affects creativity.

Did you grown up with "romantic" notions about "artistic types" whose creativity flourished in some unknown way? Just because they were "touched by the muse?"

If you are like me, you did.

And like me, you might have been told that "no one can make a living as a writer." That writers and, painters lived in garrets and starved. I knew that artists lived in garrets long before I knew what a garret was. And for those who might not know, I'll save you from having to look it up. It's an attic.

Well, I was never given any idea that artists and writers had discipline at all.

But as we all know, writers and artists have to have discipline in order to be able to produce. Even rock and rollers have to have discipline to write songs, then get into the studio and record.

No, it might not be a 9 to 5 job that we've chosen. We might not be able to leave our desks and "leave it at the office," but we still need discipline.

So, if, like me, you haven't been exceedingly disciplined in your chosen creative field, how do you solve that problem?

Writing and Voice

I was talking to my friend Jessica yesterday, and we were talking about the fact that sometimes the only creative writing we do is blogging. It's not always enough, but at least it is something. She has two blogs: The Other Invisible and A Woman Visible

Do you think she's got a thing about visibility? Uh, yeah.

She's recently been blogging about writing and voice. When I read her words, I can absolutely hear her voice in my head. When I read my friend Chad's blog, I hear his voice in my head! Sometimes, I don't "get" blogs, if they don't have a real definitive voice.

I wonder if I have a "voice" here? I don't really think I've developed one, for blogging at least, because this blog is used for the "serious topic" of creativity. And as Jess says, voice changes depending on what one is writing.

I do know that sometimes I have to try hard to make my blog posts readable. I have a tendency to write in the longest sentences known to mankind. I am always re-writing things, even blog posts, in order to do away with dependent clauses. No, I do not write run-on sentences. Grammatically, my sentences are very well structured. But I can have dependent clauses within other dependent clauses! (And yes, you can start a sentence with the word "but." "But" is a coordinating conjuction, not a subordinating conjunction. Don't be old-fashioned! And yes, you can start a sentence with "and.")

But is this voice? Voice has to do with grammar and sentence structure, but also with point of view. Have I really developed a point of view, particularly on the subject of creativity? I suppose the reason that I blog about creativity is because I want to develop a point of view on the subject. I use my blog to do so. It's a damn sight cheaper than discussing the subject with a therapist!

Here's a shout-out to two of my Tunisian friends, Rami and Ahmed. And here is their picture, for the viewing pleasure of the females in my audience. I'll include pictures of my Tunisian sisters within the next post or two, for the viewing pleasure of the males in my audience.

Resting or decaying?

When does "taking a break" turn into "acting like a vegetable?"

Since I've come home from Tunisia, I've done not much of anything--except watch TV. In Tunisia, I watched TV maybe twice. I thought I had broken myself of the habit. But since I have been home, I have fallen back into my routine of using it as company. It's really bad, boring company, but, just like real, live, human company, I end up paying attention to it. Of course, it is rude to ignore human company, even if they are boring. But TV, I can turn off. I know that it just sucks the life out of me and my creativity.

In Finding Flow, which I am browsing through once again, now that I'm back from Tunisia, Csikszentmihalyi writes

...a simple way of improving the quality of life is to take ownership of one's actions. A great deal of what we do (over two-thirds, on the average) are things we feel we have to do, or we do because there isn't anything else we feel like doing. ... Under these conditions we are likely to feel that our psychic energy is wasted.

Well, I know that TV wastes my psychic energy. So, I have just turned it off. And I plan to keep it off, not using it as company. Heck, I have company. I have great friends here in Georgia, whom I missed while I was away. And I have things I want and need to do.

I want to write more--my novel, travel articles, essays. I want to publish.

I want to speak more--I want achieve my CTM in Toastmasters (I know that they changed the designation, but I don't like the CC tag.) I want to become a professional speaker and give seminars on creativity.

I want to teach. I want teach both writing and speaking, helping people develop two very basic skills that get buried in their high school curricula, but which turn out to be so important in everyday lives.

These three items at the top of my to-do list are all creative, but they take psychic energy. And I think that psychic muscles are just like physical muscles. They need to be exercised daily, or they will atrophy. I exercised my psychic muscles every day when I was in Tunisia--I was writing a lot, I was fully engaged with life--seeing new things, making new friends. But now that I'm home, I'm falling back into some of the bad habits I had. I think a lot of people indulge in bad habits at home. They sit on the couch and pig out. They aren't polite to their family members. They act like slobs.

The antidote, I believe, is to pay attention--to give psychic energy to the things that are important, not to the blasted, veggie-matic thing called TV.

12x12

I'm taking part in Chad Darnell's "12x12."

The readers of his blog post 12 pictures taken on the 12th of each month. Since I finally bought a digital camera, I am finally able to participate, although I couldn't post my photos from Tunisia. I had such trouble with the French-Arabic keyboard that I was using, plus, I wasn't able to change the computer's language from French to English. I couldn't wrestle with Blogger in French. I admitted defeat.

I took the pictures on the 12th of June, even though I'm not posting until June 22! All photos were taken in Sfax, Tunisia. Just in case you don't know, Tunisia is squeezed in between Algeria and Libya in North Africa. It's an Arabic country on the Mediterranean coast. I went swimming in the Mediterranean!

This is the link to my Snapfish album. You may have to create a Snapfish account to view my album, but it is free, and has turned out to be useful for me.

Here is a preview of my day: This is my hand with still-drying harcouse painted on it. Tunisian women get henna and/or harcouse for special occasions and my host family wanted me to do it before I left. 10 days later, the faint outlines are still on my hands.

maximum playdate

i wish i could post pictures right now but its all i can do to publish a post from tunisia

please excuse the lack of punctuation at the moment but i am using a tunisian keyboard
whiich means that the keys are in the position where you would find thm on a french keyboard but there are also arabic characters on the keyboard

if you thought control shift was complicated then how about alt gr

i have just given up punctuating

i go the medina nearly everyday
cell phones computers the internet and medinas
what a world

julia cameron recommends playdates
this is the ultimate playdate
i am definitely refilling the well

OOT

When one is trying to get ready to leave the country for six weeks, one is apt to miss a blog post or two.

I don't really expect to be blogging for the next six weeks, since I am going to Tunisia for a study abroad program. I am taking writing classes and, as Julia Cameron calls it, "refilling the well." One long play date I'm giving myself!

Wish bon chance and bon voyage! I hope to blog once or twice while I'm there, but I'm not counting on finding a computer.

Next step

So, now that my semester is over, what do I do?

Oh, I know that I'll be on a plane to Tunisia on Saturday, where I am going to take a travel writing class, a technical writing class, and Arabic.

I'm really looking forward to the travel writing class. I think I will tolerate the technical writing class, and the Arabic class is just down right necessary, since I speak neither Arabic nor French, and I am going to be spending six weeks there. The plan to learn a little Arabic and a little harmonica before I left for Tunisia never really panned out, with so many other things on my plate this semester. Will I look stupid carrying a harmonica I can't play all the way to Tunisia? It's small. I think I'll just tuck it away in a corner of my suitcase....

So, to keep in the writing habit, I am a) going to blog daily and b) return to the young adult romance novel that I'm working on...that I have been working on for a long time now.

I've gotten some good feedback on what I've written so far, but I got stuck. Not just because I got so intensely wrapped up in classwork and grading, but I got stuck because I haven't done enough scene planning. So I'm going to take that page out of Elizabeth George's book and work harder on planning the scenes that need to be written. They are in my brain, but I haven't pinned them down yet.

Before I leave you tonight, I want to leave you with words from Czikszentmihalyi's Finding Flow:

"The world is absolutely full of interesting things to do. Only lack of imagination, or lack of energy, stand in the way."

Done!

Wow. This semester is finally over. I've turned in all the work that is due...except, that is, my website that I've worked on with Jess. It's not due until Thursday, but I it's finished. We just have to give it to our professor.

My last assignment was a research proposal for my literacy studies class. I don't think I succeeded at doing the assignment. I don't think I ever got my brain wrapped around the assignment. But I don't care anymore!!!! I'm finished, like it or not.

My next adventure is to Tunisia, where I'm doing a study abroad program. I really don't think I'll be able to blog there every day, but since I'm taking two writing classes there, I think I'll stay on track with the writing every day.

I leave on Saturday. Mucho to do before then.

Collaboration

I had a wonderful experience earlier today.

I met with two phenomenal women to work on a project together.

I don't always like working in collaboration with other people. In fact, most of my life I hated "group projects." These two women, however, are those rare sorts with whom I am compatible in strength of personality and in interests.

Elaine is the "critique partner" whom I hooked up with through Georgia Romance Writers. Her women's fiction novel is coming along nicely. She's just missing two chapters at this point, before she can declare it finished...well, finished except for a re-write and polish. At the moment, due to the fact that I haven't been actually working on my novel--I've been concentrating on school related writing--I'm acting as her sounding board and cheerleader. She's my cheerleader too.

Jessica is my partner for a school project. When we got hooked up due to the fact that we both volunteered to redesign a particular website, I didn't know her very well. However, we've hit it off. We believe it's because we're both pretty out-going and opinionated.

Jessica owns her own copy of Dreamweaver, I don't, so we've gotten together outside of class to huddle over her computer. Elaine is a web writer/designer and she met up with us to help us with some tricky bits--like moving a paragraph up the page. We tried for an hour last Thursday, and just couldn't fix it. Of course, once Elaine showed us what we were doing wrong, duh! It turned out to be a simple fix, but we are both new using Dreamweaver and just hadn't been able to figure it out.

So here's a shout-out to both these phenomenal women. Thanks to you both for being great creative partners.







Oh, we were discussing Barbara Winter's book, Making a Living Without a Job. It's one of my favorite books. I'll discuss more about it later.

Where creativity lies

Even after swearing to myself that I would blog everyday, I missed yesterday. Missing blogging=missing writing. Oh, I did do something constructive, I've begun reading my book on travel writing, which is a class that I'll be taking during my study abroad trip to Tunisia. So it wasn't a completely wasted day. But I didn't get any writing done.

It was such a weird day though. I overslept, waking up at 10:30 in the morning. I sleep in that late about once a year. Once I did, I remained off schedule and felt weird the rest of the day.

Part of feeling weird the rest of the day had something to do with the fact that I've been sick with an earache. Earache=pain+dizziness. Pain is one thing. Not being able to stand up because I'm dizzy is another thing altogether. It's been going on for almost 2 weeks now. Mostly I'm better. Thank goodness, because I've got a heck of a plane ride coming up in a week. But my ear still feels weird--like I have a finger stuck in my ear pushing on my eardrum. I don't know how much more decongestant I can take and remain on planet Earth.

This blog entry will actually have to be about the writing I did day before yesterday.

I felt that day was very successful.

I got lots of pages done, completing my memoir and an exercise or two that I had to turn in for memoir class.

The scene in my memoir that I mentioned previously--the one that was too much summary and not up-close-and-personal enough--I never fixed to my satisfaction. The moment about which I was trying to write was so personal, and, let's face it, so naked (I'm not speaking figuratively here), that it was a little bit more than I could write for review by a teacher. Interesting that I think that I could write it for publication (faceless masses) but not for someone I see in person.

Just like I don't think I could post that memoir here, since my sister could possibly read it and there are moments in there I wouldn't care to share with her. (It's not about you, Beth, but let's just say I mention "the McMillan tummy.")

However, I'd like to share the following with everyone, because of what happened during the writing. I was attempting a writing exercise requesting me to write with sensory details about a place that I knew well. During the writing, I was so "into it." For me, "into it" means that I get a sensation of my brain sinking down, so that I feel like somewhere in my head, I'm wrapped in a protective blanket. Everything around me, the sounds, the smells, the motion, receded. I lived once again in the place that I was writing about, which is the living room of my stepmother's house. I wrote it as if it were last summer, before my dad passed away. When I write this way, I'm reminded of when I was in acting class, doing sense-memory exercises.

So here is the piece:

----

In the Quiet

I sit in my daddy’s big leather recliner and just listen to the house. It’s not often that I’m alone here and it feels uncomfortable. The leather is cool on the back of my legs and the breeze from the fan above blows cool air on my knees and shins. I’ve always loved the feel of a softly blowing fan. It helps me relax a bit.

The dark brown paneling that wraps around the den, interrupted only by big windows and French doors, is the same as when my mother and daddy built the house. The furniture pieces-- sofa, two recliners, guest chair, and television--are in the exact same places they’ve always been, although these are my stepmother’s furniture picks, not my mom’s.

I wonder if I’ll still be coming to the house in another year’s time.

I wonder, if, after my father passes away, my stepmother will sell the house.

The quiet is not really quiet. I notice it when the air-conditioning compressor turns itself back on. Since Daddy is so sick now, the house is kept much warmer than he used to find comfortable. The air-conditioner doesn’t need to work as hard as it used to. It doesn’t cycle through as many times per hour. I hear the refridgerator hum from the laundry room. It’s older than the kitchen fridge. That’s probably why I can hear it instead of the other one.

I notice that the slightly rancid smell of cigarettes still hangs in the air, even though my stepmother has begun insisting that she and daddy go outside to smoke. I wonder if they really do, when no one is visiting, or if my stubborn father refuses. Lord, he refuses to quit smoking, even though he now must drag an oxygen tank along behind.

A multi-colored carpet has replaced the sea green one that my stepmother used to have on the floor. The sea green rug replaced the red shag that my mother had laid down. A pale leather couch replaces my mother’s tweed brown one. My mother’s guest chair has been replaced by a love-seat. I wonder if Judy would be surprised that she had nearly duplicated my mother’s furniture placement? It’s one of the things we never discuss.

I know that Judy has never loved the house like my father does. I remember when he and mom were having it built. My father remarked that this was the first and last house that he’d ever build. He planned to die here. I suppose that’s why he fought so hard for it in the divorce, and why Judy could never talk him into moving. Once he’s gone, what memories will the house hold? Will it be forever haunted by his presence? Or will that be only in my mind?

-----

Reading back over the above, I realize that I really wrestled with verb tenses in this short piece. Hope I corrected them all, and am not embarrassing myself here!

Have you ever tried to analyze where in your brain or body your creativity lives? I'd love it if you shared you thoughts with me.

Bout One

So yesterday, I resolved to keep a journal of my writing--of my creative process. So today, I'm attempting to keep that resolution.

Writing yesterday went fairly well. I'm still wrestling with this memoir piece. When I had my rough draft critiqued by the class, I was shocked at the feedback--which was generally positive. I was thankful for that, no doubt. But only 2 reviewers said that it seemed unfinished. They are the only 2 who caught onto the truth.

The memoir is about how my body image has always messed with my head. In the last five to ten years my body has caught up with my body image.

When I was a teenager and young adult, I thought I was fat. I wasn't, but I thought I was. When you spend 5 hours a day in a leotard, hanging out with Olympic quality gymnasts, that can mess with your head. Gymnasts are always comparing their bodies to others, thinking they are not good enough. For many, that results in anorexia. For me, I essentially gave up on being thin enough and became what I thought I was.

Now I wrestle with my writing and my weight. And I've hit the age where it's tough to get weight off. I know what I need to do to jump start weight loss. I need to exercise more. The aching knees aren't so thrilled with the idea.

I think that the memoir is in decent shape to turn in, although one scene I have glossed over with summary really needs to be turned into one that's much more specific. I'm finding it difficult to be that revealing about a moment in my life that has had repercussions for decades.
The good news is that I DID write yesterday, not just for the grade, although that does come into it. I'm writing this piece for possible publication. It's a first person essay about weight and body image, so I think it could work in several magazines. 90% of the headlines at the newsstand are about weight. I know most of them are "how to take weight off" articles, but I think that there's a market for this.

I can't say that I was able to sit at my computer and have the words come flowing out of me. I came to my computer and wrote a bit. I got up and wandered about the house. I wouldn't let myself do the dishes even though they needed to be done, because cleaning house, especially doing the dishes, is one of my favorite avoidance techniques. After letting the dog out, and microwaving a meal, and eating the meal, I finally sat back down at my computer and wrote a bit more. Then I got up and "needed" to go to the grocery store--actually I did, to get dog and cat food and I WAS out of microwaveable meals. I finally came back to the computer and wrote a bit more.

When primetime TV came on, I HAD to watch Gilmore Girls (my favorite TV show of all time--I love the witty dialogue and pop culture references). But I printed out the draft and made revisions while watching House. I still need to type them up, and fix that one scene, but I have time to do that today.

I wish I was one of those people who had better "bum glue." At the moment, my bum glue is fairly weak, but I'm celebrating the fact that it's getting stronger.

The Mystery of It All, Or, What's Weight Got to Do with Writing?

I think that I will start using one of the steps of EG's process, and start keeping a journal of my writing. In her book she mentions that while writing a new novel, she not only keeps a journal, but that every morning, she rereads part of the journal she kept for the previous book. It reminds her that she has gone through this process, and overcome the same sorts of problems, before.

I think for me, if I journal about the day's writing that I plan to do, that I will be able to warm up my brain, get into writing mode, and possibly use this forum to work through some of the problems that seem to stop me from writing at all.

I've tried the breaking it down into small pieces thing--it helps, but not enough. I've tried to just start...you know, when some writing tomes say you're not a writer if you avoid it. (I'm talking about Becoming a Writer by Dorothea Brande. I HATE that book. I DO NOT recommend it. It's written by one of those writers that want to keep writing an exclusive club.)

One reason I love Ralph Key's The Courage to Write so much is that it shares so many stories of very good, very famous writers who have trouble with writing. One writer had his butler lock him in his office (outside of his home) with no clothes! Now, that's incentive to get your pages done. Write x number of pages today, or never come out, unless you want to walk down the street naked. Of course, I don't make enough money to pay for an outside office, much less pay someone to lock me in without my clothes.

I hope by the time I do make enough money with my writing that I won't still need someone to lock me in!

Right now, I'm struggling with my memoir for my creative non-fiction class. I'm scared to write it, for the only thing I've thought to write about is my relationship with food and my body. And let me tell you, it's a pretty twisted relationship. Anorexics get all the attention--poor things, they have a disease. Fat people are just jeered at and blamed for their own poor health. I'm overweight. I'm not as fat as some people, but according to the weight tables of the Centers for Disease Control, I'm obese. (Don't know how, when I'm 5'4" and less than 200 pounds. I wear either a size 14 or 16. But whatever.) The problem is that I've always had trouble with body image. I thought I was fat when I wasn't. I thought I was fat when I wore a size 8, and then a size 10...See where this is leading?

So now that I do have more weight on me, I hate my body even more. So writing an honest memoir about it is difficult. I don't even know how to end it. People want uplifting, triumph of the spirit endings, but I still wrestle with my weight and my body image, just like I wrestle with my writing. My teacher said I needed a resolution whether triumph or despair. It can't be triumph, or I'd be healthier. It's not despair either, since I refuse to just quit and gain more weight. So where's my ending?

Honesty is hard. And confusing. Just like I don't understand why I have to wrestle with my creativity, I don't understand why I wrestle with my weight. I know that I'd be healthier if I ate less and exercised more (especially the exercise more part). I know that I'd be a better writer if I wrote more...so why do I find my mind blocking both of these things?

A mystery still to be solved.

I'm stuck!

I'm in a weird funk right at the moment.

I'm really stuck.

I enrolled in the Professional Writer's Program at KSU in order to

• become a better writer
• make writer friends with whom to bond over writing and share work
• learn new skills that will pay off with a new job
• become a better writer

So, my problem is this: All semester long, I've been feeling really overwhelmed and I've been a real grade grubber--worrying more about the grades that I will make on my assignments than what I was learning. There have been times this semester that it really made me vicious! (Of course, I'd say 80% of the vicious thing was PMS. PMS hits me now like it did in my 20s. At least I don't actually yell at people anymore. I snarl at people, hide away in my room and write angry e-mails.)

Does that list of reasons that I enrolled in the program contain "make good grades?" No, it does not. But put me in a classroom, and all the old bad habits that I developed in decades of trying to win the approval of my parents and teachers rather than learn anything pop back up.

Recently, I've decided to re-dedicate myself to what I really want to do: write well. I also need to keep in mind that writing often will lead to better writing.

I'm a writer, right? So why do I have to remind myself to write often? Because, like all weasly grade-grubbing types, I worry about being judged. Worry about being judged can stop a creative person from actually practicing their creativity. Boom.

I've got only 1 week left to finish up all the projects that I have due for my classes this semester. I've been sitting around worrying about them rather than taking my own good advice and working on them bit by bit. So now, I'm back in my familiar panic mode, hoping that I can get them completed. I look back on old work and think "this really could have used another polish." And the stuff that I'm about to turn in will need another polish too. But I really haven't left myself a lot of time to do that.

So, wish me luck. I'll turn in something. I just hope that it passes muster. With me. I have to remember that I'm writing for me...not just for a grade.

Book recommendation continued

I should never try to post when I'm tired. Turns out I can't think. Ignore my previous post, please.



Elizabeth George's Write Away
As I was attempting to say in my previous post, this is an excellent book on writing. It deals in ideas, but it also deals in specifics.

I'll quote from chapter twelve:

All that I've shared with you so far begs the real question: How do you write it? It being the book. "One word at a time" is the coy answer (like the incredibly helpful response I heard a writer give a student aksing how to write good dialogue: "Open a vein." Now that was really useful.). The answer I prefer to give is this: If you see your novel as a collection of causally related scenes, you just write the book one scene at a time.

She spent previous chapters explaining the term "causally related scenes." She spends the rest of this chapter outlining how she has put it to work in her own writing, and how she sees it put to work in the writing of others.

I love the quote above, because the "open a vein" crap is the kind of "advice" that some writers give, hoping to enhance the mystique of what they do--to claim that they can do it, because they have the touch. Obviously, mortals like you can't do it. Baloney! Writing a book is a skill, like playing tennis. The more you practice, the better you get. Some people end up winning Wimbledon, but you don't have to win it to make your living as a tennis player.

I admit that there are books that are better than others--that some writers write more inspiring prose than other writers. Just like Tiger Woods has a touch that not all other professional golfers have. Not all of us are destined to win the Masters more than once, or to win Nobel prizes in literature. But we can probably tell a damn good story that other people want to read.

What else do I like about the book?

• She divides the book into useful sections: Overview of the craft, The basics, Technique, Process, Examples and Guides
• She starts every chapter with an interesting quote from a journal that she has kept when writing each book. (She explains about keeping a journal when writing a book in the Process section.)
• The Process section rocks! (IMHO.) The chapters in this section are: Baby Steps First, the Value of Bum Glue, and Tidbits from Q&A. We all know the value of "bum glue." She explains it with humor. I read this section first, just for a little inspiration. I got a lot of inspiration.
• Once again, let me repeat: concrete details.

You know how you've heard "the universal can be found in the details." Details are what keep a reader involved. It what makes every actor's performance worth watching. It's what makes art interesting. (Really, if you don't know what makes color-field paintings interesting, you must look at one up close--to see the brush strokes, to see the shadows at play, to see that "red" isn't just red.)

Finding Flow

At the same time that I'm reading Write Away, I'm reading CM's Finding Flow. It's interesting to read the two in conjunction. To be in a flow state, you need a task that requires a clear set of goals that require appropriate responses, and immediate feedback.

Considering these two books together, I can help my own creative process. (One goal of keeping this blog is to consider my own creative process, and in doing so, help others solve problems with their own. ) So, in order to increase "flow" in my own creative process I can set clear goals. Of course, there is always a page count or word number goal that I can work towards, but there are other goals I can set too. For example, these goals might be:

• to spend time writing character analyses
• to work out my causally-related scenes
• to revise for verb choice, or to revise to eliminate extraneous words ( I love to start sentences with "Well,")

As I do these things, then I help clear my head of the anxiety that fills it when I am not concentrating on my goals, which in turn, will help me live a better life. (Which is what Finding Flow is really all about.) Bonus!

New Book Recommendation!

I've just found a new book to recommend! Although it's not on "creativity" it's on writing, so it's obviously, it's actually about creativity, just a focused form. And I believe that's sometimes much more helpful...at least for the writers reading this. Maybe not so if you are a painter or knitter.

I've read a ton of books for writers. This is turning into my favorite, because it provides such concrete details. It's not esoteric, touchy-feely, at all. (For a funny take on the esoteric, touchy-feely side of writing, see Meg Cabot's posting here.)

I'm actually lucky to have found it. I browse the writing section of the bookstore 3-4 times a year and I hadn't run across it before. I found it on the bargain table. It was published in 2004. What am I recommending? Elizabeth George's Write Away.

I'll spend more time explaining why later. But I'm beat right now and I'm going to bed.

Finding Flow

Flow Activity
I just picked up a new copy of "Finding Flow" by Mihaly Cziksentmihalyi. (My original copy is mysteriously missing from my library...perhaps borrowed by that friend of a friend who borrowed my other MC book, which I had to DEMAND back....) In FF, MC mentions that there is only so much "attention" to go around. There are only so many things that you can focus on at once. Therefore, if you are anxious or under stress, your attention is focused on the things creating that anxiety/stress and there is no more room to focus on your writing (or other "flow activity").

Re-prioritize
I buy this completely, yet I haven't yet figured out a way to re-focus. I think I'm coming to the conclusion that I need to re-prioritize. I am enrolled in grad school right now, and once again falling into the trap of worrying about grades, rather than focusing on the fun of learning new skills.

But how does one go about keeping priorities straight? I can't tattoo what's most important on my forehead. Even if I did, I'd only see it when looking in a mirror. Or maybe people would stop me on the street and ask me "what the hell?" Which probably would only annoy me, not keep my priorities straight.

Knowing What to Do is Different from Doing It

So how come, when I get under stress, I completely shut down? And why do I let myself get so stressed any way?

I know that this blog is called "Musings on Creativity," but today, it's going to be "Musings on Stress."

Stress sucks. And, at least in my case, is completely self-induced. It's not like I'm a doctor or anything. My best friend tells me that I really need to work on those little voices in my head that tell me that I'm not doing a very good job of things. And this week, she wasn't the only one telling me that I "seem to put a lot of pressure on myself." (I'm probably paraphrasing there...I don't really feel like looking up the direct quote there. I think it would set off those lovely stress hormones raging through my body again.)

Stress is hard on my creative urges--I just sit there paralyzed, unable to cope with life, much less creative projects. And stress will probably kill me. I'm scared to take a "stress test" that lovely thing that checks how bad your heart is. I think if I did, I'd actually have a heart attack. Unfortunatley, heart disease runs in my family. If I don't learn to cope soon, I'm worried that I'll wind up like my dad.

I am attempting to cope. I had my blood pressure checked the other day. It was fine. Really fine. No where close to high. And I've gotten a serene noise generator, hoping that that will help me sleep. I have a habit of waking up at 3 am. I've fallen into the habit of turning on my tv, attempting to let the news lull me back to sleep. But it's been taking me until 5 or so to drop off again. I am sooooo not getting enough rest.

Last night, when I had sworn to myself that if I woke up at 3, I'd listen to "ocean waves and bird noises" to go back to sleep, the local tornado alarms sounded at 3:40 or so. Looooovely. So of course, I had to turn on my tv to follow the local weather. I probably would have been up a long time, but it sure didn't help that I was cowering in the bathroom downstairs. It's not the inner-most room of my house, but I figured it was safer than the way-too-stuffed-for-comfort- closet under the stairs.

So wish me luck with the stress and the sleep thing. ;D

The Frustration Factor & Time Issues

Have you ever had one of those days where everything is going wrong...? I am sure you have. I try to remember to build in time for those unanticipated detours, such as not being able to recover files you know darn well that you have finished, but sometimes you just have to start again, since continuing to recover/find them will put you even further behind the 8-ball.

"Writers on Writing"

This is from page 46 of the August 2005 Romance Writers Report, the magazine from the Romance Writers of America. It's an excerpt from an interview with Julia Ross, written by Eileen Putnam.

EP: Writers struggle in solitary, which--in the worst case scenario--mires us in an internal dialogue that can spiral into fear and paralysis. Do you have any strategies for overcoming this problem?

JR: Firstly, I try to ignore my emotions about writing and just write. After all, it's not about me; it's about the story. Once, when I was feeling especially overwhelmed, a writer friend said, "Why are you complaining that it's hare? It's meant to be hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it." I'm not sure why, but I find that thought very liberating. Writing a novel is meant to be hard, and our fears are part of the territory. So be brave! If you're scared, write scared.

I think Ross's idea to ignore my emotions and just write, to focus on the story, could be very helpful to me to get past my anxiety and other distress. Although, for me, that distress is PRE-writing, not when I actually get my fanny into the seat.

I also think that "it's meant to be hard" is an interesting sentiment. Because for those of us who think it's a breeze to put sentence after sentence together, as those of us who have always been good at English will attest, writing coherently isn't the hard part. No, something that has always come easily begins to get hard when we are trying to plot well, make it interesting, reveal character, etc. These are new muscles that we are stretching, and the worry that it might not be good is overwhelming.

Distraction and Forgetting

Yesterday was bad and today will be worse.
Nothing terrible happened yesterday. No, it's just that I didn't accomplish the creative work that I wanted to. I will say that I worked on my memoir, and made a break-through that will help me get it completed. Yahoo! But once you make a break-through, don't you want to stay with it? Isn't it just torture to have to put it away and do other things? I had to put away my memoir and go to stats class, because that's how I'm making my paltry living right now, grading stats homework for Prof. L. Once that attention was broken, I couldn't seem to get back to it. Plus, I was exhausted by a late night the night before, so I ended up falling asleep for an afternoon nap. Then, of course, I had to go to my Monday night class, Literacy Studies. Back home, I ate dinner, then went back to bed.

Today, I'll have to dedicate my time to grading stats homework. And it will probably take all day, with one break to go to campus and pick up more stats homework. So this blog is all the creativity that I'll indulge in.

But the cool thing about keeping this blog is that it is at least one creative outlet that I can indulge in and feel like I accomplished something. Finishing a post is like finishing a project, and it's wonderful to have a sense of completion. Maybe there is something to be said about small projects...hum. Let's ponder that.


Addendum
O.K., confession time. I just realized that I did do something else creative yesterday, besides working on my memoir. I worked on my personal website. It's so weird that I didn't remember that when I was looking back over my day. I think it's a fault of mine that I don't always give myself credit for the work that I do. Do you folks do the same? Do you negate some of the work that you are doing, just because you haven't gotten to finish it? Another something to ponder.)

Resistance

When you are working on creative projects, do you finish them?

I admit, I have so many projects that are only half done.

I get to a point where I am tested by the project and I get stalled. Sometimes the test is of my skill level. Sometimes the test is time. I get to a point where I am bored with working on the same piece and just give it up. And sometimes I know that I am resisting a piece because I am afraid of it.

Right now, I have to write a memoir for my Creative Nonfiction class. Its the toughest assignment that I've had in a long time. I don't want to write about me. If you find out my secrets, will you still like me? I'm just plain afraid to be as honest as a memoir requires.

But, hey! I have to evaluate my writing process as a part of the class. That's a whole other assignment. I think that will be just re-writing this blog, so it's at least partially done already.

Admitting to beginner status

As I recommended to my readers recently, it's o.k. to be a beginner. Really, you have to start somewhere. Well, I'm admitting that I am a beginning blogger. I am slowly learning how to work with fonts and colors, etc. to make this blog more interesting and more easily read. Hey, maybe I'll add pictures soon! I've just changed the font color, so I hope it's easier on your eyes.

Artists Unite!

I just read Anna DeStefano's blog and found it very inspirational. You can read it here (see March 19). She's a fellow member of Georgia Romance Writers, and a terrific published author. I haven't read her new book, but A Family for Daniel is the best Harlequin that I've ever read. Don't think that I mean that Harlequin doesn't have other good authors. They do. But Anna's character development is outstanding. (Confession time. Although I love love love to read, right at the moment, I am doing so much of my own writing and doing so much schoolwork that I haven't been reading purely for pleasure very much. So, if you are another fellow member of GRW, please don't feel bad that I haven't mentioned you in my blog.)

Practice Makes Perfect

I've talked about anxiety and procrastination, but there are other creativity stoppers out there. One stopper is skill level. I know that I have all sorts of beautiful paintings in my mind, but I have never developed the skill to bring those imaginary works to life. I'm not too hard on myself about that, however, because I am not trying to make my living as a visual artist. There's not a lot of pressure for me there. I love just puttering around with drawing and painting.

Starting to Develop as an Artist
But what if I did want to make my living in the visual arts? Well, you have to start somewhere. First, I would take classes in visual arts. And after classes, then, I would practice, practice, practice. And little by little, I would be able to bring my skill level up. Sometimes, we creative types can worry so much that "we don't know how," that we stop ourselves from making the attempt. There's that old bug-a-boo, anxiety, raising it's ugly, fangy head. Well, how do we get around that problem?

First of all, realize that there are very few Michaelangelos in the world, but plenty of people make their living (or at least parts of their livings) as artists. You do not, repeat, do not, need to worry about being Michaelangelo. And if that is what you worry about, well, good luck to you. It seems to me that not only do you have to have skill, but also an inordinate amount of luck to be remembered by history. It helps to be famous in your own lifetime, but there are a lot of artists famous in their own time that are now forgotten. Art History PhD candidates wouldn't be able to write their dissertations if they couldn't write about forgotten artists and resurrect their reputations.

I went to an art show not long ago and there were drip paintings along the line of Jackson Pollack's--and the artist would customize them for your home, using your left-over wall paint! I thought that was really cool. (By the way, the artist customized them in an interesting way, adding his own little touches that built on Pollack's work.) They were so quirky and interesting, but they didn't require the drawing skill that some art work does. That's one way to get started. Collage might be another way, since an assembled piece might not require the steady hand of a line drawing. The point is that I think that starting small and getting to work on any creative project is important.

Developing Skills as a Writer
What about "beginning" as a writer? Lots of people think that short stories are a starting point for writers, but in my opinion, writing a good short story is harder than writing a novel. Perhaps that's only for me. But practice for writers might be working on scenes. Perhaps you need to practice writing conflict. Perhaps you need to overcome embarrassment when you are trying to write the sex scenes that your romance novel requires. So practice. Write scenes. And then perhaps you need to practice writing transitions. I know, it's hard to pick something up in the middle, like writing these un-attached scenes would be. How about borrowing characters from another book? (I am not advocating plagarism here. Borrow from the public domain!) Say you are thinking you need to practice conflict? Beatrice and Benedick, maybe? Setting: a villa in Italy (or a bar in Houston). Beatrice: "pleasant-spirited" but with a sharp tongue and a sarcastic sense of humor. Benedick: A soldier, always making jokes and puns. Set-up, their friends are trying to get them together, but they are so similar, they annoy one another. Go ahead, write the scene. No. Don't use Shakespearean language. Write it as if it was set now. I see all sorts of possibilities here, don't you?

So that's one way to practice and develop more skill. And you can do it in secret, without any of your friends laughing at you. Too bad we end up practicing skiing out in public.

My Perfect Day

Class Assignment
I was recenlty asked, for a class, to write about a perfect day in the life of a writer. I had fun with the assignment, so I thought I'd share it here. It's several paragraphs. I hope it's easy to read.

A Perfect Day as a Professional Writer

My perfect writing day is a necessarily imaginary confluence of time, place, weather and brain activity, sort of like a perfect alignment of the stars to influence world peace and understanding.

I wake up with bright sun streaming through my window, gently, not in a way that sends razor blades of light through my eyelids. My cat is calmly sleeping, curled up in a ball at the foot of my bed, quite unlike her regular routine of stepping, one sharp little foot at a time, onto my breasts, in an attempt to make me get up and give her what is obviously the best spot on the bed—the one where I so comfortably sleep. After I stretch and rearrange the magical cat and dog-hair repelling, self-cleaning covers, my clean and fresh smelling dog leaps up onto the bed (avoiding landing on the cat, or even scaring her in any way) to snuggle a moment, before he leaps back off the bed, goes downstairs and lets himself out through the magical doggy door—the one that is big enough for him to go through, but not big enough to let in burglars and other threatening types.

As he leaves the room, I reach over and pick up my laptop, which has been cured of its annoying display problem and boots up quickly and efficiently. I know through the wonderous new mind-machine invention that there are no important e-mails in any of my 4 e-mail accounts, so I don’t need to attend to any current correpondence from my agent or publicist. The e-mails from my fans will have to wait. I get right to work, with the words of my romance novel pouring out of my fingertips onto the bright white screen before me.

After that successful writing session, I get up, stretch, and exercise. My body enjoys the workout, my heart and muscles are strong and healthy. Next comes a refreshing and relaxing bath, where I read my friend’s recently published, best-selling novel. I finish bath-time with a quick shower-shampoo, after which my hair effortlessly transforms itself into perfect waves. My magically-pressed clothing is handy, and I am able to slip into a comfortable, fashionable outfit and go to lunch with another one of my successful writer friends.

I come home and decide that my afternoon writing session will take place in my lushly flowering, mosquito-free garden. I carry my computer to the specially designed, ergonomic lawn chair and turn my attention to the essays and articles that I have been assigned to write by national magazines. After finishing two or three of them, I quickly send them off to the appropriate editors.

When my husband sees me stretching, that is his cue to bring me a glass of wine, and over a leisurely dinner, we compare notes on the writing that we each accomplished this day, and make plans to join up with several of our writer, artist and musician friends over the weekend, since we know that our writing will flourish the more we are connected and invested with other real, live human beings.

Since there are no magical, cat and dog-hair repelling comforters, nor size-shifting doggy doors, nor self-pressing clothing, and my hair continues to be curly and uncooperative, my real-life perfect writing day obviously doesn’t contain those things. What my real-life perfect writing day does contain is a brain that is free from creativity-blocking anxiety, long expanses of time in which to write things for which I will be paid, broken up with periods of time when I can meet up with my friends for lunch or dinner, a walk along the river with our dogs, or a night out at a play at Dad’s Garage or the Alliance Theater. Although I fight anxiety daily, and there are never really enough hours in the day, particularly if the work is flowing well, I do have the writer-friends, all of whom, to my knowledge, support one another, not envy nor denigrate one another. I am, however, still looking for the wine-glass carrying husband. Please e-mail me about any available candidates.

Quick housekeeping notes

Housekeeping Note #1
When I clicked on "comments" on my last post, I found that one of them had been "removed by the author." I think that means that the commenter removed it. But being new to this blogging thing, I'm not one-hundred percent sure. I know that since it was a duplicate comment, I deleted it from my e-mail. Would that have taken it from the comments list here? Nah, I don't think so. I think that DrM took it off herself.

Housekeeping Note #2
I got my 'stuff' enough in order last night to 1. make up my bed (with clean sheets) 2. use my laptop on my desk this morning. I have 5 piles on my desk--and a great big "in box" of papers that I deemed could wait to be sorted--they seem to have no connection to the classes I'm taking. But the 5 piles are small and manageable, and the other stuff...well. I hope there is nothing too important in there.

More
I am attempting to work this morning in an organized fashion. I haven't let myself wander around the internet too much...seriously, I set a timer, so that I wouldn't lose track of time. But this staying organized doesn't come naturally. Next, I'm on to writing up some micromovements for the creative projects I want to work on. I haven't decided whether I should make the micromovement list look cool, or just jot it on post-it notes. Making it look cool (SARK illistrated it in her book looking like the wheel from Wheel of Fortune) seems fun, but time consuming. I think I'm going the post-it note route (which SARK also recommends).

Procrastination, Poor Planning, and Disorganization

"When we refuse to learn the lessons, the lessons keep showing up."
--Barbara Winter
This is such a great quote. I should keep it handy, since it applies to so much of the way I conduct my life...specifically, I'm talking about my tendency to procrastinate, to plan poorly and to be disorganized. I know that these habits really cut into my ability to create...I never can find the tools I need to write, paint, draw, when I want to do so. I end up wasting all my time looking for them, or cleaning up the mess the paints, paintbrushes, pencils are lost in, thereby losing the time to create.

And I procrastinate because I see a great big forest, not the individual trees, and get overwhelmed by the enormous task of clearing a field to plow.

Micromovements
I know I've written about SARK's idea of micromovements before. (See her book "Make Your Creative Dreams Real.") Micromovements are really a way of planning your creative projects that will help you get them completed. I really think it's a useful idea. I sometimes fail at implementing it. If I have a big task on my brain, I get so overwhelmed that getting out of bed is the problem. Right now, I am letting the amount of work I have to do to get through the rest of my semester at Kennesaw State really get to me. However, when I really look at the number of tasks, and break them down into tiny steps, then I know that they are manageable. Although, lets face it, I've procrastinated for a bit now...which just expands the to-do list.) Carolyn See, in her book, "Making a Literary Life", recommends writing a 1000 words a day, 5 days a week. It's the same sort of thing as the micromovements. And if I would do it, then my young adult novel would be farther along than it is.

Disorganization
Disorganization is a really big stumbling block for me. I think it is for a lot of creatives. I have been working on getting organized for years. And no, I'm not exaggerating--years. I am better organized now than several years ago, but I'm still disorganized. When I go to class, I sometimes forget to take my notebook. So I grab a sheet of paper from a classmate, jot my notes, but then, it takes me weeks to get that sheet into the notebook where it belongs. And when I get my mail, it just piles up. I know that if I went through it right away, and put the Toastmasters magazines with the other TM information, and the Romance Writers Report with the others, that I'd be much more successful when I try to do research. But that's not what I do. I seem to spend as much energy avoiding tasks like sorting the mail as it would take to do them! I end up waiting until I literally have so much stuff on my desktop that I have to hold my laptop actually on my lap. That's usually when I end up doing a great big clean/organize project. I'm having to do one right now, since I just cleared my desk by putting everything on my bed. If I don't fix it, I won't be able to sleep tonight. And it's a huge task. I couldn't go through all that paper if I had 26 hours in which to do it, which I don't. I need to finish up this blog and get onto other class projects.

Prioritizing might be my next topic!

P.S.I got to the following webpage from Barbara Winter's site. (I visit her site often.) You must read this, it will make you both weep and sing with joy.
http://www.dannygregory.com/2006/02/advertising_and.php

Time! There's never enough of it.

How do they find the time?
Some of the people that I admire most are those writers I know that are married with children. I belong to the local Romance Writers of America chapter and have met many published writers through RWA. So many of those women (most are women, but not all!) are writing full-time or holding down full-time jobs, along with writing on deadline, at the same time that they are raising children, and still managing to keep marriages together. How do they do that?

Personal issues with time
I feel like I'm always playing catch-up with daily chores like walking the dog, doing the dishes and vacuuming the house, much less keeping up with my school work and my part-time job obligations. I am managing to squeeze in most of the writing I am doing for school, but I just realized that I hadn't written anything in this blog for over a week.

Creativity and time issues
I wonder how many people are derailed from their creative endeavors just because they don't have time? I know that there are 24 hours in the day for each and everyone of us. I know that we don't "find time." That we "make time" for those things which we decide to focus on. But doesn't it feel like just the common acts of living (like eating and sleeping and taking a shower) get in the way? I know that I like to sleep more than other people. I love my afternoon naps! But I'd really love to be able to get to my writing more easily, and I'd like to get to creative hobbies easier. I love to fiddle around with paints and drawing.

Possible cure
I love to watch decorating shows too. (One is on the television as I write this--one that deals with organization. Very inspiring!) I think maybe that I need to work on organization a little bit more, keeping my stuff--both writing and art--handier. Right now I'm on my bed with my laptop actually on my lap, because I can't get to my desktop. I've set my desk up in front of my window, so that I can be inspired by the squirrels in my backyard when I write. Given the crap on top of the desk, that's truly not working. I have dirty clothes, unopened mail, and believe it or not, about 6 dirty railroad spikes on my desk right now. I cleaned out the trunk of my car. Guess where the junk ended up? Do you have these organizational problems like me?

More on anxiety

Anxiety & Creativity
I re-read books all the time. I always get something new out of doing so. If it's fiction, I've probably forgotten the plot. If it's non-fiction, I will have lived more of my life, and grown and changed, and therefore, I will bring a new perspective to it. So, I decided to re-visit Eric Maisel's Fearless Creating. When I first read this book, ten years ago, I was either in gradutate school or just post graduate school. (Yes, folks, I am back, once again, in graduate school. A. I love to learn. B. I don't think the grad program I went through ten years ago was the right one for me. If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again.) I know it was ten years ago when I first read it because on one of the exercises he suggests doing, I wrote in the book--and dated my entry. (Yes, folks, I write in books. It's sort of a dialogue between me and the author. Or just me and myself. I paid for the book. I don't feel guilty.) He writes about anxiety in the very first chapter, and I'd like to share some of that with you here.

...while anxiety is the greatest immpediment to aliveness, in order to create you must invite anxieties into your life and live anxiously. ... Each stage of the creative process is characterized by its own kind of anxiety.... In its negative aspect it blocks the artist, causes her to limit her scope or create second-rate work, and more. In its so-to-speak positive aspect it is like the itching that accompanies the healing of a wound: horribly uncomfortable, but proof that creativity is happening.

creative blockage: the inability to manage the anxiety that attends the creative process

A large part of this book (perhaps all, I'm not sure since I haven't re-read the entire thing yet), is about how to manage creative anxiety, and I recommend reading it and doing the exercises. (Caveat: I don't endorse every single last thing that EM says in any of his books, but on the whole, I believe that he has good advice and an interesting take on things.)

The Creative Itch
Here is something that I don't think Eric Maisel adequately addressed in this book, nor did Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way. (Maybe they do in other books, I haven't read everything that they ever wrote.) I am assuming, if you are reading this blog, that you have a creative itch. Are you scratching that itch in the appropriate way?

Here's what happened to me. I went off to Hollywoodland for college, with the idea that I was going to become a great actress--or at least a working actress. But I kept running into (creating within myself?) all these blocks. I had extreme anxiety about not only auditioning, but also about learning lines, everything connected to being an actress, really. But I still wanted to be an actress. Why? Was it just an ego thing? Was I really that full of myself? I don't think so. And then later, when I decided to go back to graduate school, I once again went into a theater program, with the idea that I'd be a director. So, why didn't I get out and try to work in theater more? I have all these friends who stayed really involved after school, working around Atlanta in local theaters. Instead, I took a job at a film equipment rental company and worked with a lot of filmmakers, helping them get their projects accomplished. (Julia Cameron calls this sort of thing I was doing "being a shadow-artist.")

Was I just delusional? Why did I say that I really wanted to do these things, borrowing zillions of dollars to go back to school, and then not do the follow through, anxious or not? Here's what I've decided. I WASN'T SCRATCHING THE ITCH IN THE APPROPRIATE WAY. (Eric Maisel is big on managing anxiety appropriately.) I WAS IN THE WRONG FIELD COMPLETELY. I'm not saying that this realization came easily. Far from it. It took me a long time and lots of courage to state that I wanted to be a writer. But once I said that out loud, I realized that saying I am a writer came so much more easily to me than saying I am an actress ever had.

Well, of course, parental disapproval had something to do with it. My dad thought that being a writer would mean that I was condemning myself to a life of poverty. But he didn't like the thought of me being an actress either. If I knew that my dad disapproved of both writing and acting as career choices, why did I decide that acting was the creative outlet for me? I think it's because writing is so important to me. And the thought of failure as a writer was so much more overwhelming than the thought of failure as an actress. So, I took a very very long detour from the creative path that I really always should have been on. I was scratching the creative itch in the wrong spot, the wrong way.

If you feel a creative itch, but you aren't really able to focus and/or accomplish even baby steps in your creative endeavors, do you need to try a completely different creative field?

The Effects of Perfectionism and Anxiety on Creative Efforts

The creative block called anxiety
There are times that I get an overwhelming sense of anxiety when I think about sitting down at my computer to write, or when I think about trying to produce any sort of piece of creative work. This sense of anxiety, I am not kidding, has been known to stop me from getting out of bed for the day. If you can't get out of bed to pick up a script, it's really hard to memorize your part in a play. If you can't get out of bed to look at a script, it's really hard to plan blocking when you are directing the play.

(Boy, this blog is not the easiest thing for me to write. I have anxiety about writing, particularly "for publication," in the first place, and I certainly have anxiety about confessing past misdeeds....)

Right there is a perfect example of a contributor to creative anxiety. Notice my use of the word "misdeeds." Isn't that word rather perjorative? Possibly many of you can sympathize with my harsh judgement of my creative efforts, or rather my contemplation of attempting something creative. It would have been easier to get out of bed if I hadn't convinced myself that my life would end in shame if I didn't do well on that one particular performance, or if I hadn't convinced myself that I'd never direct anything else if that one play wasn't perfect. Note that today I call myself a writer, not an actress or a director. It is through writing that I have realized that the first effort toward a creative endeavor doesn't have to be perfect.

Writing is re-writing
"Writing is re-writing." I've heard the saying for decades. I've only recently been able to absorb what it meant. As a child, when writing my school papers, I never re-wrote. No, they had to be perfect when they came out of the tip of my pen. Which is actually why I have extremely legible handwriting--that was part of the need for perfection. Hum. I wonder what triggered this need for things to be so perfect? I can speculate, but I'll probably never be able to pin it down. Was it because I had a teacher who wanted everything to be written in pen, not pencil, but then took off points if you had things scratched out and written over and around? That particular teacher wanted a neat line drawn through things that you needed to "erase." No wavy lines, no scribbled circles. That's not a good way to teach that re-writing is part of the process.

My Dad was a perfectionist. Which is a good thing, since he was an airline pilot. Trust me, you don't want sloppy when you are a passenger on an airplane. But I think that he let that perfectionist streak get out of hand. I remember that when I was a child, my family took a "ski vacation." My dad absolutely refused to get on skis, while my sister and I, and even my mom, happily took the beginner ski classes and spent the day on the bunny-slope. When I asked my mom why Daddy wasn't skiing, my mom said that he didn't like to do things that he wasn't good at. Well, obviously, when someone won't do something they aren't good at, they aren't allowing themselves to be a beginner. If you can't be a beginner, then you don't know what you might become good at.

Perfectionism
But speculations on why I became a perfectionist to such a degree that it was paralyzing aren't solving the problem, and that's what I (and possibly you), really need to do, right?--solve the problem. I did have to go through the process of figuring out that perfectionism is a block to creative efforts. Now, how do I get around this particular block? I suggest baby steps. SARK, the writer of Succulent Wild Woman: Dancing with Your Wonderful Self and Make Your Creative Dreams Real: A Plan for Procrastinators, Perfectionists, Busy People and People Who Would Really Rather Sleep All Day (no, I don't know her, she wasn't writing about me! Although she does seem to have described me rather well....), SARK suggests "micro-steps," smaller than baby steps. Having problems getting a query letter written? Micro-step #1 might be to turn on the computer. That's all you have to do. You have achieved something worth celebrating! So celebrate it. Trust me, this process does eventually work. I've been known to decide that all I need to do is turn on the computer. Eventually I got to the point that I'd sit in front of it.

(I haven't actually read the book that seems to be all about me. I'm on her e-mail list. She was writing about this topic in her newsletter several years ago. I'm glad an entire book on the topic is finally out. I'll probably buy it soon, but I didn't really know it was out--hence the reason it wasn't on my list of favorite books on creativity. I'm sure I'll add it soon.)

Good luck on dealing with your own creative anxiety. I'll write more about the topic soon.