I'm really stuck.
I enrolled in the Professional Writer's Program at KSU in order to
- become a better writer
- make writer friends with whom to bond over writing and share work
- learn new skills that will pay off with a new job
- become a better writer
So, my problem is this: All semester long, I've been feeling really overwhelmed and I've been a real grade grubber--worrying more about the grades that I will make on my assignments than what I was learning. There have been times this semester that it really made me vicious! (Of course, I'd say 80% of the vicious thing was PMS. PMS hits me now like it did in my 20s. At least I don't actually yell at people anymore. I snarl at people, hide away in my room and write angry e-mails.)
Does that list of reasons that I enrolled in the program contain "make good grades?" No, it does not. But put me in a classroom, and all the old bad habits that I developed in decades of trying to win the approval of my parents and teachers rather than learn anything pop back up.
Recently, I've decided to re-dedicate myself to what I really want to do: write well. I also need to keep in mind that writing often will lead to better writing.
I'm a writer, right? So why do I have to remind myself to write often? Because, like all weasly grade-grubbing types, I worry about being judged. Worry about being judged can stop a creative person from actually practicing their creativity. Boom.
I've got only 1 week left to finish up all the projects that I have due for my classes this semester. I've been sitting around worrying about them rather than taking my own good advice and working on them bit by bit. So now, I'm back in my familiar panic mode, hoping that I can get them completed. I look back on old work and think "this really could have used another polish." And the stuff that I'm about to turn in will need another polish too. But I really haven't left myself a lot of time to do that.
So, wish me luck. I'll turn in something. I just hope that it passes muster. With me. I have to remember that I'm writing for me...not just for a grade.
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1 comment:
Hi Willena,
My favourite author as a child was Britain's Enid Blyton. She was a prolific author, writing over 700 books and stories in her lifetime. When she was young, she was encouraged to write, write, write about anything and everything, with no thought of publication... just WRITE. I didn't know about that until recently, but...
About three years ago, a friend got me into writing mode by saying she wanted ten emails a day... she said she loves reading what I write about everyday life, or my thoughts on things, and she wanted MORE.
It turns out there was a method to her madness in asking for so many emails. She saw something in my writing and thinks I should be published some day... and this was her way of getting me into writing mode. And it worked! Now, for me to experience it or even think about it, is to write about it. Everything translates into what I will share with my best friend.
Pursue those writing dreams, Willena... and I shall too... and maybe one day we will wow the world with TWO WILLENA's on the bookshelves at our favourite bookstores!!!
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