Bout One

So yesterday, I resolved to keep a journal of my writing--of my creative process. So today, I'm attempting to keep that resolution.

Writing yesterday went fairly well. I'm still wrestling with this memoir piece. When I had my rough draft critiqued by the class, I was shocked at the feedback--which was generally positive. I was thankful for that, no doubt. But only 2 reviewers said that it seemed unfinished. They are the only 2 who caught onto the truth.

The memoir is about how my body image has always messed with my head. In the last five to ten years my body has caught up with my body image.

When I was a teenager and young adult, I thought I was fat. I wasn't, but I thought I was. When you spend 5 hours a day in a leotard, hanging out with Olympic quality gymnasts, that can mess with your head. Gymnasts are always comparing their bodies to others, thinking they are not good enough. For many, that results in anorexia. For me, I essentially gave up on being thin enough and became what I thought I was.

Now I wrestle with my writing and my weight. And I've hit the age where it's tough to get weight off. I know what I need to do to jump start weight loss. I need to exercise more. The aching knees aren't so thrilled with the idea.

I think that the memoir is in decent shape to turn in, although one scene I have glossed over with summary really needs to be turned into one that's much more specific. I'm finding it difficult to be that revealing about a moment in my life that has had repercussions for decades.
The good news is that I DID write yesterday, not just for the grade, although that does come into it. I'm writing this piece for possible publication. It's a first person essay about weight and body image, so I think it could work in several magazines. 90% of the headlines at the newsstand are about weight. I know most of them are "how to take weight off" articles, but I think that there's a market for this.

I can't say that I was able to sit at my computer and have the words come flowing out of me. I came to my computer and wrote a bit. I got up and wandered about the house. I wouldn't let myself do the dishes even though they needed to be done, because cleaning house, especially doing the dishes, is one of my favorite avoidance techniques. After letting the dog out, and microwaving a meal, and eating the meal, I finally sat back down at my computer and wrote a bit more. Then I got up and "needed" to go to the grocery store--actually I did, to get dog and cat food and I WAS out of microwaveable meals. I finally came back to the computer and wrote a bit more.

When primetime TV came on, I HAD to watch Gilmore Girls (my favorite TV show of all time--I love the witty dialogue and pop culture references). But I printed out the draft and made revisions while watching House. I still need to type them up, and fix that one scene, but I have time to do that today.

I wish I was one of those people who had better "bum glue." At the moment, my bum glue is fairly weak, but I'm celebrating the fact that it's getting stronger.